I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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