OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
