I think i peed on brittanys purse
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
