that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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