her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
