That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
