What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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