I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
