i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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