Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
