if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
