We need to rekindle our bromance
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
