C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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