you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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