the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
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It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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