Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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