3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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