And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
