When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
