i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
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She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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