Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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