I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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