I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
