I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
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No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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