no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
