My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
