If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
