haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
