just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
