I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
