You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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