I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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