WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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