have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
