i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize