haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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