I only kidnapped one of them. chill
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
