does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dear god my vagina.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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