At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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