I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize