i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
