I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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