Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
