I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
