We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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