At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
