People with herpes should wear stickers.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
