im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
