i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
