you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
