Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
