I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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