She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
