lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
