just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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