if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
