This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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