i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
