so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
