The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
