laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
being pregnant is like rehab
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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