Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
