Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Farmville is her only friend.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
pray to the hookup gods
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
