It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
