I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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