actually, I'm a sock model
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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