I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
