Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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