You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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