Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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