i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
