i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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