I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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