We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
