..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
