I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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