This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
