Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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