so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
