We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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