I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
