I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
